fasting

fasting for a christian in singapore is always a tough thing to do, as there are always temptations. but these days how do we discipline ourselves?



eating in this part of the world is not just for sustenance, but for enjoyment. we have the luxury of choice even when we are hungry and we will never be on starvation so bad that we will feel weak and dependent. in our minds maybe but definitely not physically. it just shows how weak minded we are.



sitting in the cofeebean just finished a sumptous breakfast, the chapter of fasting came. how apt. and God knows how much I need to be disciplined.



I failed in my previous fasting missions because at the back of my head, I know I will be slimmer after that. wrong motivation. this time round, it will be about discipline. it will be milestone for me to look back on and say "I can do it." rather than "I look great!".



ironically funny that this comes on the 1st day of the Islamic new year. God has a sense of humour.

history in singapore

today's the day when singapore votes for our next president. don't even remember off hand how many president we have since.



4 Tans in the race with many people thinking TT sure cannot make it. but my $ is on him even though I think ALL of them cannot be president. then again thinking about the role and capacity of our president, I think st jame's muthy also can do it, as "endorsed" by one of the children.



may the best (least devil of all) Tan win.

lost everything while pursuing nothing

physical blindness is a bad thing. currently suffering from "water in retina" in my right eye and I know how it feels to have your vision distorted. its very inconvenient and I'm not even totally blind yet.



however there may be a worse kind of blindness. spiritual blindness. the failure to see the Great Treasure of heavenly and eternal things, as written in Pst Ed Chan's book Growing Deep in Faith.



most of us especially singaporeans are very caught up with getting the material stuffs. so much that we are willing to sacrifice priorities in life just to gain that monetary advantage and in turn, get material luxuries. and the more we are into it, the more we turn away from what is perhaps more important in life. family, relationships and all the so called intangible things on earth. and worst, we become poor spiritually. we drift away from God while thinking God is with us and blessing us with so much earthly goods.



am I suffering from spiritual blindness?

been a while since

I last posted because of distraction from games and daily living. plus haven't done too much spiritually and in fact going downhill in terms of attendance. sunday attendance sporadic at best because of laziness.



finally finished pst Ed Chan's book Growing Deep in God. its very important to have a heart of gratitude and thanksgiving in all things.



God has already answered our prayers even before we asked. but in the "bad" things, can we truly remember to give thanks?



I know for sure that my condition in the brain is not a sudden occurence. I just pray that God be merciful enough to let it be manageable at this stage. will find out on 21st sept.

trust in the Lord

with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5.



water in retina, cyst in brain and various health problems. and 2011 is also the year of the bunny. local belief system will "logically" explain that the supernatural force of the zodiac is at work.



but my belief system tells me that the supernatural Will of God is at work. and I'm trusting that it is.

screwtape, marina bay sands, escargot

thanks to the cg, I now know c s lewis also wrote satirical literature works like screwtape letters. screwtape is a representation of the devil and wormwood is his nephew, a demon in training. though his words and sentences can be a bit tough for me but I think it should make for some interesting read and perhaps learn a few literacy tricks.

marina bay sands or mbs for short or golden sands for the chinese translation, has been around for awhile, everyone else and their grandma had been there and done whatever that can be done. like what? walk through the row and row of atas shops offering made-in-china items at appraised-in-hell prices. of coz its the branding. not many elsewhere you can get upper-class shopping in 1 building. and the rain occulus thing was kinda cool. the infinity pool was rather disappointing and overcrowded.

for perhaps 20 years of my life (36 if you want to get technical), I have avoided eating escargot aka snails aka slugs. not very appetizing just based on the english name. the snails we know are of the garden variety and non-edible. they are mostly crushed by blur sotongs who don't look where they go. so while some species are edible, they don't sound so appetizing. but I took one when we were dining at todai. ate it and here's my verdict. its chewy and probably nice with whatever way of cooking if, you don't think abt it as the garden snails we get in this tropical weather. chewy really. no thanks, I had enough.

so yeah, fun filled 2 days and its not over yet. w00t!

screwtape letters

by c s lewis. not a fan of c s lewis but his reputation precedes him. but screwtape letters? what's that abt? my literacy knowledge is really bad and what's worse is my faithfulness in keeping up with readings. too much LoU I admit. working on it.

but thanks be to God, and the thoughtful CG (namely dickson and allison) for the book. I pray I will be hooked on the book before the game. or games even.

books and durian puffs

no relation at all at the 1st impression but they can brighten up some people's day. namely wifey and myself, respectively.

watch this space for more intelligent posts from people with durian breaths.

raiding melaka

back in the 1400s-1500s, the port city of melaka was a thriving place with fortresses probably built to defend itself from raiding pirates or enemies. now its littered with fortresses called mega malls raiding pockets of tourists with glittering merchandises like cheap clothes and delicious local goodies.

a place with so much history and good food, merely a 3 hour coach ride away, who can resist going back there to get their cendol and nonya fix? we can't. we have 6 plastic bags of snacks and 3kg of holiday weight to show.

melaka

here we come again! been only 6 months and we are back to that popular coast town for some nice peranakan food.

this time ard with wife's colleagues whom one of them are organizing everything essential. hope to get some free and easy time to look for nancy's kitchen and eat more zhong hua chicken rice balls!

and gum of course!

God I pray that we will have a safe and enjoyable trip. and also pa will recover and stop throwing tantrums while he's recuperating in the hospital.

Amen

idea of the year goes to ....

cleaning floors with socks, with them worn on your feet.

definitely the best idea of the year and it's not even end of june.

"they are dirty already anyway!!"

time to clean up your act!

failure

to keep to my journal resolution I made just couple of months ago. but I see this more a lesson than a failure, altho I won't deny it is to a good extent.

time to tighten my belts and start feeding my spirit man again!

been away

for far too long. since the last post, I have

1) been sick (still am a bit).
2) joined a non-profit called meetheothers, launching in august.
3) playing lord of ultima, angry birds and sudoko.
4) no reading at all. no blogging at all.
5) no exercise at all.

gonna change some of that. looking fwd to a packed out June with the wifey!

back to normal

election fever has cooled. eventually it will die down into nothingness, unless tpl and the same bunch of white-costumed greedy hogs come up with self-pwning antics again, which is expected and right soon.

meanwhile in toy yi, we wait patiently for the ever absent MP of this glorious little quiet estate. only lord of ultima, work and the ever non-stop building of relationship with wifey would fill the empty gaps of life.

busy!

for the record

after a grueling afternoon of frantic work, finally settling down with sarah mclachlan playing in the background while I read the websites on political speeches of both sides. my disdain for the incumbents is obvious, but I shall try to be objective here.

"not end of the world if pap loses aljunied." - lky
certainly not and especially so for the residents.

wp wants to take over the government, says raymond lim.
if singaporeans choose, so it be. pap = government wasn't decided by pap much less u.

ltk analogies wrong, mr shanmugam?
co-pilot cannot "slap" pilot but work with pilot as a team, but your team is spelled with i-p-a-p. best and most xp-ed pilots? sorry but you are delusional, not to mention definitely not best and most xp-ed. worst retort, try better.

bottomline. pap has been the majority in parliament for too long and ALL of them, even the decent ministers think that pap = government is a given and granted. probably divinely mandated. yes its easy to confuse theology with greed.

the government or representation in parliament is not pap's, or any political party to lose, but singaporean's to give. much like your pathetic life which is created by God with Love and forgiven by God with Grace and more Love. you are repaying it with greed and blasphemy. I feel sad for all the pap minister because they are burning in hell when judgement comes and I may or may not join you in the heated spa of eternal damnation.

on 2nd May 2011, I have decided to vote on 7th May 2011, for the opposition party doesn't matter who the candidates are, not just because anybody else is better than the pap, but because I can and I care for singapore.

I shall always remember to pray for you to repent and acknowledge Jesus as your Lord and Saviour. and God to smite your greedy person if you do not, mercilessly.

released from collection

day 1 of official release from collection part of work. don't exactly feel proud because I am not sure if its because my employer don't trust me anymore.

he say he is releasing me of that because so that I can concentrate on administrative work. I can only take those words as verbal agreement and not think so deep.

part of me is glad but part of me is doubtful. I guess I have to now show my worth.

like my wise wife said. amen.

remove and replace

in chapter 7 of growing deep in God by pst Ed Chan. its true. we always say we don't have time to pray and yet we can have time to sleep more, do work, watch tv and do the "unproductive" things.

I stay on the internet, and for too long at times. a whole world wide web of knowledge and I read humour sites with loads of sarcasm, discovery science page and now even spending part of the time on an online game that crashes every now and then. I am even spending 15-30 mins a day to write posts.

I totally agree and is sold to the notion that prayer is a very important part of a christian. I really want to start.

a life of prayer

was reading pst ed chan's book while waiting for wife to knock off. glad I went earlier.

pst ed chan believes very strongly in prayer and rightly so. all great men of God all had a life of prayer. Jesus had one. its almost all about prayer.

its so intuitive and so obvious. and yet, I am not even willing to pray while lying down right before sleep.

time to change lifestyle? painful but necessary.

so is life back?

starting to get into the momentum of things. had a fruitful and productive week. mood is better. and a relief to hear that brother can go back to prev employer no probs.

physical ailments mostly gone. just some minor skin marks and sniffles. nothing a good sleep over the weekend can't cure.

a quarter of the year has gone and things are progressing slowly but surely. encouraging and yet not without a sense of urgency.

I hope this sense of positivity can stay.

operation: get life back

1) can't-taste-any-food flu. coughed up a HUGE amount of greenish yellow phlegm and now my lungs feel like a 10 year old, who had been eating too much fried food. but it's a start!

2) itchy-like-**** ringworm. improving since the doc's prescription a week ago. doesn't itch anymore and my leg never looked better since last year.

3) miss-my-dearie fever. had a talk well into the night disrupting sleeps but felt fruitful. hope things will improve enough for us to celebrate with german food soon! yay!!

4) pain-pain backache. aka been-a-problem-way-too-long back spasm. not much improvement but panaflex extra been great.

5) any other non physical but equally damaging problems. God, please tell me what to do.

God help!!

ironically funny that I said on monday that a certain person needed divine help, and now I am crying for it myself. and even as I am writing this post, "who doesn't need divine help?".

the problem with human being is we don't seek God often enough. God have to come and break us and/or everything that matters before we run to Him and say, "ok here I am with my problems which I can't solve by my own strength. help, please?".

God, here I am with my problems which I can't solve by my own strength. Help me, please. Amen.

the worst prayer in the world yes but I am desperate.

at the end of it all

I wonder what's all these about? I mean falling sick, grappling with crap generated by other people, taking in crap from customers who dishes them out at 30kg/minute
(yeah they full of those bio stuffs).

here I am stewing in a pool of "character-building", while some others are standing at the edge throwing rocks of "lols" at you. people you actually cared about.

yes these things are part and parcel of the little race called life. but at this point of time, I just feel like I want to call time-out and perhaps run on the cooler and greener sides of the track.

just let me say how much I love You

oh my Saviour my Lord and Friend.

the song blasting from the speakers of the computer beside me at this unearthly hour.

been a mixed week.

1) started this blog and a start of a new journey of journaling for my christian walk. of course it's not substantial but its a start and hopefully it would be more daily than it is right now before it becomes less frequent, much like my other resolutions I made more than 3 months ago.

2) sick sick sick. almost missed the cg on saturday but I guess I'm glad we made it and even for today's sunday svc.

through these, I want to give thanks to the Lord for keeping me strong.

as a pragmatic (learnt the word today which basically means practical) person, I guess I do things with a purpose and most of the time I desire maximum efficiency. it even shows in my gaming. just get to the achievements with the least amount of fuss and the max throughput. of course achievements may be subjective it they are not spelt out clearly. eg, the Smurf Village game on iOS.

some play it aesthetically. I play it to get to the max level with the max amount of game currency possible.

its dangerous to miss the point and especially so for me or even people like me, pragmatic. too easy to be anthropocentric (man-centered) rather than theocentric (God-centered).

if you can

ask God one question, what would it be?

got me thinking. coz I don't know what to ask Him. I'm like imagining some people would ask scientific questions like where does the universe end? were dinosaurs real?

or emotional ones like "is happy with You?".

even for punters, "4D numbers for the next draw?"

I think I won't ask questions. I'm guessing either I would know ALL answers to ALL the mortal level questions I have the minute I step over the pearly gates, or, God can make it like a game for me in heaven and I have to go search them out! Would be fun!

either way, I'm not asking Him anything. I'm just going to say, "Thank You God.".

God forgive us!

we have sinned!



but it was good! bad but good! paradox right there in curry sauce.

pray pray pray!

from the book Growing Deeper in God. after the 1st 2 chapters, pst chan emphasized again and again the importance of prayer. Jesus himself committed to prayer again and again in the bible. even the Son of God is committed to a life of prayer what more us!

the title of the 1st chapter amused me a little. God of the how much more. what did pst chan mean? intrigued I read more and indeed our God is a God of how much more. in context, Jesus taught a principle that if your child ask from you a fish, would you give a snake? of course not. and how much more God would not and even exceed your request.

Prayer is not overcoming God's reluctance; it is believing in a God who hears, answers and even exceeds our prayers!

also

Prayer is not about you - prayer is all about God! It is not about how deep or how great your prayer is, or how long or eloquent your prayer is. Prayer is all about who God is!

it got me thinking about my own life. I regularly ask myself, why do I find myself lacking? in everything. I am not successful, nor rich. not healthy. but as a believer, shouldn't I be more concerned with my spiritual health, which is feeble at best?

in this society especially in singapore, hard not to go after material things. had not to compare achievements with peers and friends. what's worse is I'm not even a good church goer.

from chapter 2, the significance of prayer. Until we are desperate that we have nothing, prayer is merely incidental, or at best, supplemental in our lives - but it will never be fundamental.

we often turn to prayer and God only when we are in need. when we are desperate. God knows that if I am too comfortable with worldly things, I will drift further away from spiritual things.

until I can let go God will never bless me in that area.

"God, You are the creator of the computer, the luxury items, everything. I ask for the wisdom and understanding that this is the truth and no 2 ways about it. I sincerely want to stop seeking worldly possessions and start building treasures in heaven. I acknowledge that my life is a mess and I want to straighten it starting with my relationship with You. I acknowledge that You are my spiritual Father, the creator of heaven and earth. I can't fool You. I can't run and so I'm surrendering this life. make it worthwhile and make it count towards the kingdom of heaven. I can't do it by my own strength. I ask for divine strength and wisdom. Thank You God. Amen."

first!

after attending the ACK conference, I am more convicted in pst edmund chan's and cefc theology. I am impressed and believe that he is right and on to something most of us are not; the importance of fundamentals.

of course you can tell this to any faithful and God-fearing christians and they will agree with all their hearts. but just like pst edmund chan said, there is a distinct difference between believe and being convicted.

you can agree but you may not put it into action. faith without action is dead. james 2:17

some of the things emphasized in the church are of course prayer and journals. both of which I am going to start, and hence the blog.

be blessed, future me!

from, 23rd march me.

what a thursday

started off with a bad morning of me verbally tendering my resignation to my boss aka father-in-law. what's worse is its out of emotion.

followed by the monotonous and heavy-hearted day which I think I didn't smile at all. then dragged my darling wife from her comfort at home and made her even more sick.

took an afternoon nap before ending the day off with our 1st ever christian conference together in cefc and come out feeling poked, at least for myself.

memorable enough for a post here, for all digital eternity.

*hint hint*

"what would you like for your birthday?"
wife (who is celebrating soon) replied, "I don't know. I don't have a wish list."

some (or perhaps most) people have one or more of the following: a wish list, shopping list, bucket list, friends&/enemies list and the worst of all, to-do.

I have a small friends one on facebook and even smaller irl because I don't quite keep in touch with ne1. I do not have an official wish/bucket list because it's too volatile factored by health: financial and physical. (scratching off buying a fire engine-red ferrari and driving said ferrari down into the sea)

perhaps the most common (and my longest) would be the to-do. it's like the universe as discovered recently; endless and expanding at a faster rate than imagined.

we need lists such as above to keep us going. to stay focus on our prize(s), to help us remember things to accomplish, etc. these earthly things will affect our decisions, our choices and shape our lives accordingly.

question for myself is "do I want to evolve around ipad2/a dive into the darkest and deepest caverns? or do I want to centre my life on God?"

not a tough question but a tough to-do. that's one more to my list but going right to the top.

being thankful

over the last few days/weeks, things haven't been going very well for me.

probably started during the cny period where everything (or most) seems to be going against my will.

1) relatively quiet and tamed cny celebration (stupid bunny year)
2) work overload (work work work)
3) pay cut (bonus)
4) modem failing (starhub/modem)
5) lemon purchases (modem)
6) challenging customers (253 CCK)
7) family not helping (my extended)
8) health deterioration (back spasm and swollen eyes)

all these right up till yesterday (of this post).

but this morning, I compared myself to some people in the world. I have the basic necessities. I have a job that I can make my own time. I'm not exactly poor until I cannot afford a nice steak in botak jones. I'm considered fortunate enough.

my eyes are almost back to normal at this writing. I bought panaflex for my back. I manage to survive the morning work. weather was nice and cool after a night of rain.

thank You God.

to do

for today, the 5th day of March in the year 2011.

1) go crazy in starcraft
2) down 5 cups of coffee, my own cup
3) work? hmmmm ok.

Fear of the Lord

is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
- Proverbs 1:7.

for someone who craves for knowledge and understanding, I sure don't fear the Lord our God as much as I should.

my desk is complete

cool razer mouse .... checked.
awesome speakers .... checked.
wide screen monitor .... checked.
caffeine laden coffee .... checked.
starcraft 2 .... updated!



ever since early november last year, I have been using a somewhat antique-ish lappie for work. not that its not good but the screen is kinda small and I can't really play games (if I want to) except for those puzzlers or those whose requirements would be VGA in all their 256 colours.

now I just need the black widow ultimate and I would be kicking behinds!!

it will be legen, wait for it .... dary!

the funk

been in one since the 1st few days of CNY. probably earlier but its around then as far as my memory is concerned.

been a while since and of course its affecting me, my wife and my work. so how to get out of it? one site offers some suggestions. clear out clutter, try new recipe, HUG A TREE! not literally thank God but not exactly practical especially in singapore. the nearest hugable tree is probably abt 30 mins away and most imptly I dont want to do that. but,

10. pamper yourself.
think I will try to do that. starting now.

see ya later blog.

character building

is never easy.

just when confidence is reaching heights, something bad happens. its not murphy's law. I see it as God's way of breaking me. telling me to be humble.

and He knows what would. and so He did. its painful to acknowledge at the expense of other things in my life but I got to stop being anxious about the breadth of my ministry/career and start working on the depth of my inner being.

happy lunar new year

1) modem went dead on the last day of tiger

2) almost meaningless reunion

3) almost meaningless day 1

4) multiple pointless trips to sim lim and $85 poorer

5) "pay cut"

6) lonely 2nd day evening with sandwiches and accompanied by work

great start to the lunar rabbit year.

asia, for beginners

recently we had the privilege of having 2 germans, going by the name dennis and maren, grace our humble home with their presence.

for about 8 weeks, they made our little pink room their refuge while trying to muck their way around singapore, which is in dennis' words, "asia, for beginners.".

apt really as you think about it. he said, singapore is a melting pot of a lot of asian things. you can find hawkers literally everywhere with food ranging from peranakan, indian, chinese and western. we have little india, chinatown and even a mini korea (arguably). want to have a taste of whatever without going there? we have an array of local food apps on smartphones. everything within 40 mins (drive) reach.

I hope that we had been good hosts to them, not just as singaporeans but simply as a fellow human being.

God bless their souls.

weight loss journal?

recently read an article abt the effectiveness of weight loss journals. I wonder if it would work for me but won't know until tried. so here goes.

bought a weight scale (been wanting to) at guardian for $26. digital and up to 180kg. perfect for my weight and wallet. stepped on it and it reads 112kg.

not a pretty sight but this would be my starting mark.

let's see how this goes.

good customer service

I have learnt (sometimes the hard way) that customers are always right. and good customer service is very important. probably comes right after the quality of product and service. and today a simple interaction with a new customer just reaffirms that fact.

this stall, located somewhere in north central singapore wet market, have seen different owners but selling essentially the same food stuffs. one of the stuffs would be soyabean milk and beancurd.

the current owners have been there awhile and been getting their soy supplies from one of our direct competitor. however they have decided to change supplier. and as I have found out, its not because our soy products would be better than that competitor (tho I like to think so). its because they have grown to dislike dealing with the competitor. cant take criticism well apparently.

just like that we got a new customer at a relative good place to sell to. and altho the stall has a bad history with soy products which is another story totally, I'm glad they are wiling to consider us. I am even committed in my own heart to make sure to give this new owners my best customer support.

I hope this will so seared in my heart that it will become a 2nd nature in me.

The Magic Of Chong Qing Hot Pot

choice 1, Curry Fish Head at the downstairs zi cha. choice 2, a steamboat style dinner in the form of The Magic Of Chong Qing Hot Pot.

after deliberating with dennis and maren for 30 secs (but not before the wifey bugging me for 30 mins), we decided that it will be the hotpot despite the possibility of bad traffic.

and after an evening of 8 treasures tea, spicy soup and an array of food ranging from sliced fish to ox tongue, I would say its a truly enjoyable evening. not just because the food was good and arguably worth the money, but the german company we had.

the conversations, sharing of experiences, laughter and banter made the 3 hour dinner time seems like .... 2.5. kidding, more like 1 hour. I forgot about work and couldnt really care.

so are we going back soon? probably not coz $180 its a tad too steep to pay for a big bowl of piping hot spicy soup with a little more than avg food. but we are going to remember this evening for a long time to come. thanks to Facebook.

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for my fight,
Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight.
Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower.
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

friday nights do what?

"sell group."

"sell what?"

cell groups, or convenant groups sell accountability, fellowship and community living, f.o.c.

the catch? believe that Jesus is our Lord and Saviour.

happy new year!

a new year =

1) new calendar. the old one from great eastern was getting old and there were no nekkid pics on it, not that my lady would approve even if I do have 1.

2) new resolutions. but not really too because I didn't achieve much so I pretty much copied and pasted everything from 365 days ago and put in more "!!!" this time around. same story 365 days later? hope not!

3) new clothes. and brighter and more spritely ones! but that would be CNY. check back again a month later.

4) new PC. yeah I wish. no $$$.

otherwise, its same house, same job, same wife. thank God for the wife!

here's to a happy 2011 and better year for me, us, everyone!